I am finding it quite hard to write these posts. I want to write about what a great time I had meeting people from the internet, but do not want to write anything that makes anyone uncomfortable.
Elizabeth, my gracious host for example, seems happy to be exposed as a nefarious mastermind with an evil laugh, as she wrote this in response to my last London post.
"I sound rather like a nefarious mastermind from your blog. Excellent. Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha."
This relieves my mind considerably. I now feel completly free to reveal her plans for us on day 2. Be warned, it is a terrible story, you may be shocked and amazed.
Ruthie and I arrived at Elizabeth's after sundry husbands and children had been gently encouraged to be elsewhere (no witnesses were needed). In the way of all masterminds, only mild encouragement occurred before the dastardly machines came out, with Elizabeth detailing her plans for each exotic and peculiar device.
Evidence of her previous plots was presented. Her skills and work, nefarious as they might be, are considerable.
To be honest, I think there was something peculiar in the cups of tea we drank, because I cannot remember if we sewed discrete tote bags to identify Elizabeth's minions to those in the know, before or after we tried on all of the clothes in Elizabeth's wardrobe. Here Elizabeth's possible superpowers were exposed. There are trousers in Elizabeth's wardrobe that fit me perfectly - something that has NEVER happened before. Scary.
How did I end up with Elizabeth's blouse in my suitcase? How did Ruthie know to bring the materials for the bags -with tracking microchips I presume? I suspect there is a deeply held plot out there somewhere.
At one point, Elizabeth had claimed that we would take part in an excursion - no doubt with evil intent - to an excellent trim and notions shop, which closed at 4.
Through our incredible chatting powers, Ruthie and I managed to delay this excursion until the window had passed. The owners of the trimming shop should be grateful.
Little did Elizabeth know that Ruthie and I had been in collusion (Remember, I had overpowered Ruthie already and stunned her with excess wool exposure, so she was putty in my hands). There was a 0.6mm crochet hook that had evaded my searches at Knit Nation, but was reportedly at Loop, in Islington, with much later closing hours. After various threats and tortures, Ruthie and Elizabeth agreed to accompany me there. I did have some trouble dragging them away from vintage clothing shops etc, but my nefariousness being even greater than Elizabeth's, eventually I had them trapped exactly where I wanted them.
See the looks of horror on their faces?
Unfortunately, I did not have things all my own way. I was foiled in my crochet hook quest, and this induced such weakness (albeit temporary), that Elizabeth was able to drag us back to her flat to eat home made pizza.
She had also recruited her husband to make champagne cocktails.
The combined efforts were shockingly effective.
Hen arrived once we were already weakened, but even her strength was insufficient to resist the rest of Elizabeth's plot.
Here we are trapped on Elizabeth's couch, listening helplessly to her plans to take over the world with vintage Singer sewing machines.
You should see what was in store for us the next day.
I will write about it later - if I can face it.